Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Sorry, in advance.

Today is July 8th.

I am supposed to pay my comcast bill by today. I can't find it.

It is hot in all the other places I have lived. It is in the low sixties in San Francisco.
I dont know exactly why, but I woke up today, looked around my room and felt so incredibly homesick. I dont know if I miss my parents, or my sister, or if I am just really sick of my job...

What is really strange is that I have been out of college for two years now, and I still miss Kenyon almost every day. It makes me feel like a real loser to admit that, but it is true. I thought that moving here and seeing more of my college friends might quell that a bit, but it might have made it worse.
I am very happy with who I am now, and what I am doing here, but I miss the physical surroundings of Gambier so much it aches. The smell of Gund Commons, the light in the trees, the stonework, the white clapboard department houses, the stupid fucking "pealers" playing the church bells on friday.
Although I do miss all the aforementioned cheesy shit, I think I miss being at Kenyon so much because it was one of the only periods in my adult life that I felt in control of my anxiety. That might be/definitely is romanticized bullshit (I was a mess in college) but the memory of that place is calming enough for me to write a rambling blog post about my loneliness this morning.

I think should stick to posting pictures of things from Bulgaria.

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