So

I love this song, and I like this homemade animated video some chick made for it.
That is all.

Survey:

Yesterday I opened up a magazine on the train only to find a picture of a person I have hooked up with looking back at me.

I was startled.

Then I remembered the time in high school that I opened the local county magazine and saw a picture of a boy I made out with on an 8th grade hiking trip.

Survey: has anybody else ever come face to face with their sexual history through print media?
Seeing as how newspapers and magazines probably wont be around much longer, its probably going to start happening more frequently in blogs....

oh wait.... shit.

Oooof.

If you are one of the four people who reads this stupid thing, I think you know that I like to eat and drink.
A Lot.
Thus I am ashamed to say that today I was outdone by a pack of near-senior citizens during a three hour lunch today in Connecticut(what a place.) I had lunch with my mother (60) her best friend (65) and her two friends who were in from London for her birthday (ages 65 and 72.) These people have been eating and drinking together for over 35 years, and it shows. We had four course meal and four bottles of wine at one o'clock in the afternoon. I got home two hours ago and I still feel like I am going to die.
I have to do it all over again tomorrow for her birthday.
I am getting back to San Francisco on the day of our "Holiday" potluck.
If I keep going at this rate, this is a projected image of what I will look like by New Years:



(I dyed my hair brown, btw.)

OY!

Who left that copy of "Eat, Pray, Love" on my bedroom bookshelf?

Not cool.

Home sweet home

I am taking advantage of my time at my parent's house (and their working computer) to write one my stellar blogposts that you all (Julie and Morgan) love so much.


I've been reading this book of poems by Anne Carson called "The Beauty of the Husband." The book is comprised of 29 poems which illustrate the trajectory of a failed marriage, and is supposedly a response to Keats' assertion that "beauty is truth." She is one of my favorite poets and I am particularly enjoying this collection. It has also gotten me thinking a lot about marriage, something I generally spend very little time contemplating, although that is changing a bit now that every time I log on facebook, I read that somebody else I know has become engaged.

Anyway, back to my parents house: tonight I got an eyeful of martial bliss as I watched my mother step up the annual war she and my father wage over the thermostat. My dad is cheap and has reptilian blood and therefore believes that 60 is an appropriate room temperature for the house in the winter months. My mother disagrees, calling my father a cheap Irish bastard who cannot respect her poor circulation and turns it back up to 65. Tonight she took it to a new level when she, upon discovering the heat at 62, stole his college diploma (which happens to hang next to the thermostat in his office)off the wall and hid it in the guest bathroom. The diploma was then replaced with a note that said "no Magna Cum Laude Princeton graduate could possibly live here, because they would be able to remember that the heat is supposed to be at 65 degrees when it is below freezing outside."
He has not yet seen this note.
They will be married for 27 years in February.

..............

oh little blog. how i miss you so.

its not my fault i can't blog, all the essential blogging items in my life broke at the same time.
seriously.
also, all my teeth have fallen out due to over-consumption of sugar. and my knee caps have become inverted. and my hair turned green. and my right boob hangs slightly to the left.


its been a hard month guys, i swear.

I forgot how much

...I love "Toothpaste for Dinner." This one really struck a chord:

yeah, probably.

Highs and Lows

Today was a day of ups and downs, just a little ride on the roller coaster of life. Yaknowwhatimsayin'?

1. It was my day off
2. I had a ritual cappuccino with Taylor
3. I celebrated Sam's birthday
4. Sam's birthday celebration meant that I ate a pound of nice cheese, Acme bread, Boccalone charcuterie, champagne, and a dozen oysters at 2:30 in the afternoon in front of a lit fireplace.
(Those were the good things)

Bad things:
1. My bike brakes finally shit the bed on Fell and Masonic--not close to my house.
2. I cleaned my old apartment for 4 hours in a futile attempt to reclaim my security deposit.
3. I inhaled a gallon of bleach fumes and now can only take shallow breaths.
4. I just found out that the Easter bunny isn't real.


Isn't it a crazy world we live in?

Busted.

Julie posted this first I know....

Courtesy of Roomie. AMAZING.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

There goes the neighboorhood...

I don't know what is happening in the Mission these days. Before I left for New York three people were murdered on the street on which I work, all in broad daylight.
Its been easy enough to chalk it up to gang violence and consider the slim chances of ever getting caught in crossfire.

But...

Last night was slow at work so I started shooting the shit with two cops who came in right before close. Cops love us because we give them free ice cream, and I love cops because they tip me well, and because they protect us... whatever.
So I asked them if they had a slow night and one of the officers says " Actually no, there was a stabbing tonight. With an axe. A BIIIIIIG AXE." At this point his partner made a motion with his hands to demonstrate the size of said axe, estimated at about a foot long.
Where did this happen you might ask?
BERNAL HEIGHTS.

So yes we can talk about gang violence in the Mission, but last night some drunk white dude at the top of a hill stabbed a man in the back with a giant axe, piercing his lung.

Getting Spooky?

So Halloween is right around the corner. I know this because last night the walls and light fixtures of the Phonebooth were covered in cobwebs and giant spiders. It actually fits the place nicely. I think they should sell candy apples along with the popcorn and keep it that way all year.

Anyway, Mike and Max are building a dope Halloween costume. Its going to be an ice cream monster.
Stay tuned for more on that.

This bring me to my point..... what is everyone going to be for Halloween???
I haven't had a good costume in 3 years, I need to start planning.

whew...

I am back from a weeks vacation in New York.

I will update you all on it shortly (I'm sure you cannot wait) but first, a clip of the show I discovered on the airplane back. Thanks United Economy Plus!

You Can't Fool Drool

I am really behind on this. Apparently everyone has seen this video, but I can't stop sending it to people.

Work

Work is slow these days.

Very slow. Slow to the point where all the employees took a turn riding (trying to) Danny's skateboard yesterday. I think my brain is starting to atrophy.

Also, I think all my customers have been eating paint chips or something before they show up.

Serving them is like the bored leading the stupid.
An actual conversation I had yesterday:

Customer:"Whats in this one?"
Me: "Porter."
C: "Porter?"
M: "Yes, its a type of beer."
C: "There's beer in there?"
M: "Yes, it's porter flavored ice cream."
C: "So...it's kind of like a coffee?"
M: "Um... well, mostly it tastes like beer."
C: "Oh, ok... But there's no alcohol in there, right?"
Me: (Dies a little inside)

Oh, and an old lady told Taylor she hated me yesterday. She used to be a regular customer and now she doesn't come in when she sees me behind the counter.
Like really actually HATES me.



How much longer until I give up and apply to grad school?

Panzanella

Who knew bread salad could be so delicious?

I know where I am taking my next vacation...

Hope I don't "shatter my thigh" though.

Lady--- and Tramp.

As some of you (who the hell am I talking to by the way?) know, my favorite food of all time is Spaghetti and Meatballs.
I mean sometimes I enjoy variations---Italian sausage for example, a simple Pomodoro, meatsauce, or a ragout of sorts---- all delicious. However, I find that the meatballs usually deliver the purest and most enjoyable spaghetti experience.

I guess it makes sense then that I had Valencia Pizza and Pasta for dinner and it was good. Not great, but good. Just saying.

In other spaghetti related topics: my boss asked me what I did on my lunch break the other day. I told him I went home and ate leftover spaghetti for lunch, to which he replied "did you eat it cold over the kitchen sink, crying? Because I could see you doing that."
I paused. Not because I was insulted, but because when I stopped to think about it, I actually have done that before.

Ok, thanks guys.

Also, this seems related:
http://dlisted.com/node/33864

There have been great advances...

... in paint color names lately.
I was in Benjamin Moore today with Taylor. Did you know you can paint your home the following colors:

all-a-blaze
stampede
new york state of mind
snugglepuss
spoonful of sugar
varsity blues
cupid's dart
alaskan husky
angel's trumpet
strathmore manor

or, my personal favorite:
wizard
??????

System upgrade.

I just found this (on my PC) while high as hell.

Happy Birthday Julie.

Julie is now a baker's dozen.
A few hours into her birthday, I was woken up by booming thunder and lightning. Weird because when I moved here, I was told that San Francisco had no thunder storms, which was a bummer because they are my favorite form of weather ever. As a child, we were always told that "the angels were bowling" whenever some kid was being a pussy and crying at the thunder. I was always skeptical.

So happy birthday Julie, the angels were doing blow and krumping this morning--- in honor of your birthday. Duh.

"Hey!"

"You guys got any Psycho?"
"What?"
"...What?"

Um...

These are my co-workers.

To be fair, I'm making the stupidest face of all of us.


Not as stupid as here though:

By Doug's House

This might sum up...

...how I feel about food on the west coast. That's a rose made out of smoked salmon.


I'm quivering.

Get Snug

My Boss looks better in a Snuggie than your boss.
This girl might be able to "rock your Snuggie" as well. Ha.

More things about Julie

Her office computer has photobooth.

Hey!

Who's that girl?



IT'S JULIE:

She let me use her fancy office bathroom AND computer AND stole me a bottle of Perrier...

Scenes from a store on 24th...

In Noe Valley.

Its in the front window of an old realty company. The guy must have owned the building for years, because that shit is not cheap. Certainly too expensive to only serve as a forum for this:

Is summer over?

I feel like its just beginning.

On the East Coast in the summer, I like to eat Cheetos on the beach, while drinking Gin and Tonics. (Compliments of Laura's mother.)

But now that I'm out here, I need a new favorite summer activity.

Fernet and Shrimp chips, anyone?

Whoa.

Yesterday was activity overload.

Look at all the places I went in San Francisco on Tuesday!!!
In other news, I'm really excited to be starting the 4th grade. Again.

It has come to my attention...

...that I ate the following things last week:

ice cream (4x)
burrito
burger king
pupusas
friend plantains
hot wings
french fries
taco
jalapeno poppers
blt
spaghetti
spatzle
sausage
pbj
chinese food (2x)
donuts
pizza(2x)
1,000 tortilla chips


OH. MY. GOD.
I also ate some salad and vegetable soup, but who cares about that shit.

I am going to die of a coronary.

Kate Atkinson

... is stealthy.
Not sketchy.

blah.

Today I called in sick for the first time in my post-collegiate working life. Actually, I didn't even "call in," I showed up and my boss told me to go home because he didn't want my sore throat.

I'm kind of confused by my sick day. I feel like I should be out doing things, like its a free day off, and then I remember that I feel like shit and that is why I have elected to not get paid today.

Why am I so behind on these little life lessons?

Anyway, check out my new slippers:

Throw me to the dogs....

The other day I told my friend Jamie that after two decades as a "cat person," I am starting to prefer dogs. Jamie informed me that that this is a sign that I am starting to embrace my breeding years. He says that dogs= children, no matter how you slice it.


I was then reminded of this:


This a a picture of a piece at the SFMOMA. In case you couldn't tell, those are dozens of poodles encircling a small plaster baby. Woof.

You better believe it...

...when I tell you that my job is WAY more glamorous than yours.

Hi Mom.

This picture just popped up on my facebook newsfeed...

Pointless information about my week.

I ate lamb tongue... it was delicious, "like buddah" in fact.

I might be in New York for a week in September, everyone get ready.

Tomorrow, I will have lived in San Francisco for exactly 7 months.

Ok, night.

Breakfast in bed.

One of my favorite things about being an adult is that I can eat wherever I damn well please. Growing up in a household with two anal retentive parents (my Dad shampoos his car's floor mats monthly) I was never allowed to eat anywhere outside of the kitchen.
I celebrate my freedom from this oppressive regime by eating my breakfast in bed every morning.

Here I am eating breakfast in bed this morning:

I'm hot.

I Dont

Have to be at work till 3 tomorrow.

Who wants to consume beverages with me?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I just found a gray hair by my right temple. MY FIRST GRAY HAIR. Oh my god, what do I do? I'm going to look like this in a week :
Do they sell adult diapers at Rainbow?

Oh shit.

I hope to never end up at a kink party with THIS GUY:

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/cas/1292679985.html

Hot.

I totally wrote "tyranny" in place of "tranny" in that last post.

Which makes it sounds like I'm going to a kink party.

Um...

What the fuck do I wear to a tyranny beauty pageant?

2 people have stressed that I not wear anything that makes it look like I'm trying to outdo the participants, which I really don't think will be be a problem, but I cant look too "frumpy" either.

I am looking at a closet full of cardigans and I am very confused.

Moo

Morgan pointed out that I haven't posted anything in a while.

So here are some of the things I have done since I last posted:
-ate at Flour+Water
-broke a new ice cream sales record
-fell down and hurt myself
-drank mimosas at breakfast
-LEFT THE MISSION(!!!!!)
-wrote Audrey's "Big Sister" recommendation.
-lied on Audrey's "Big Sister" recommendation.
-saw Richard Avedon at the MOMA
-tested Beer Floats for Mission Street Food
-wrote a missed connection
-made Guacamole
-posted this picture :
GREAT WEEK!!!

Screwed.

Last night I played Screw Your Neighbor with Laura, Danny, Walker, and Ben until 4 in the morning. Ben beat all of us. He is now a bagillionaire.


When you google image search "screw your neighbor" this picture of the game comes up.
So does this picture of Spike from Top Chef Chicago:




I have a hangover. I am going back to bed.

I am getting up extra early on thursday....

...and seeing a 9 am showing of the new Harry Potter movie at the Metreon.

Yes, yes I am.

Sure thing Dad.

Yesterday my father sent me a text message telling me I had to subscribe to the San Francisco Chronicle. I'm rather indifferent but it seemed like he was going to pay for it, so I said yes.
My Dad has been in the newspaper business for thirty years. Everyone knows that print media has taken a nose dive in the last eighteen months (not that it wasn't already dying a slow but dignified death) and so I think this is a peculiar time for me to start receiving my first newspaper subscription.

He's excited because the Chron just announced they were moving their presses to a non-union firm in Freemont. This will lower the paper's cost base and hopefully prolong its lifespan. Apparently the paper has just been redesigned and is now "very colorful." Chances are I will have this subscription longer than my father will have a job, but it seemed to mean a lot to him so I said yes despite all the clutter it will create in my apartmnent.

I get the first one tomorrow, so If anybody wants to come over to drink coffee and read the paper, I'm your girl.

I made...

...grilled cheese for dinner last night.

I got the recipe (I know, like grilled cheese needs a recipe) from a Food and Wine magazine (because I am a yuppie.)
The cheddar I used is delicious when cold, but tasted like baby feet when melted. I was bummed, I had sliced the granny smith apples and caramelized the onions with great care. Cold, angry, anxious, Chicago Emily would have probably become enraged by her grilled cheese failure and the waste of money, calories, and human potential that it represented. San Francisco Emily just shrugged and ate a spoonful of peanut butter and went to bed.

Personal growth, I sees it.
By the way don't you all love me in pigtails?

Sorry, in advance.

Today is July 8th.

I am supposed to pay my comcast bill by today. I can't find it.

It is hot in all the other places I have lived. It is in the low sixties in San Francisco.
I dont know exactly why, but I woke up today, looked around my room and felt so incredibly homesick. I dont know if I miss my parents, or my sister, or if I am just really sick of my job...

What is really strange is that I have been out of college for two years now, and I still miss Kenyon almost every day. It makes me feel like a real loser to admit that, but it is true. I thought that moving here and seeing more of my college friends might quell that a bit, but it might have made it worse.
I am very happy with who I am now, and what I am doing here, but I miss the physical surroundings of Gambier so much it aches. The smell of Gund Commons, the light in the trees, the stonework, the white clapboard department houses, the stupid fucking "pealers" playing the church bells on friday.
Although I do miss all the aforementioned cheesy shit, I think I miss being at Kenyon so much because it was one of the only periods in my adult life that I felt in control of my anxiety. That might be/definitely is romanticized bullshit (I was a mess in college) but the memory of that place is calming enough for me to write a rambling blog post about my loneliness this morning.

I think should stick to posting pictures of things from Bulgaria.

CHEESE

I just made a pasta salad with Bulgarian feta I got from the Middle Eastern grocery store on Mission and it is the most delicious feta I have every tasted. I think everybody should make he transition from Greek to Bulgarian feta.

Other things from Bulgaria:

Probably not as delicious.

Wha?

Yesterday a homeless (?) man who comes into my shop and eats ice cream out of the garbage asked me if I could help him figure out how to open "these." Then he reached into his dirty sweatshirt and pulled out a big bag of fresh oysters.

San Francisco, California. Where the homeless are eating better than I am.

Ok...

I was talking about Gates in that last post, but those pancakes were fucking delicious.

Utah.

I was in Salt Lake City, Utah last week. Salt Lake is a two hour flight from San Francisco. The city sits at 4,222 feet, and is the global headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints... and those people are a hoot, let me tell you. To be fair, the city has lots of bars, art galleries, and coffee shops, and I saw as many people riding fixies there as I do on an average day in San Francisco.

Salt Lake is beautiful because there are lots of these:
Salt Lake is creepy because there are lots of these:
Ultimately I like Salt Lake city because there is one of these:


(is she talking about Gates or the pancake house?)

Ive been temporarily distracted...

by another blog.

But here is a picture of me with the word "pancake"!!!!!!!!!

wow.

My room is literally covered in clothing. I haven't done laundry in a few weeks (sexy) and because of that I stopped putting my clothes away. Tecate and minor heartache may also be factors. My room is a den of sloth. I am lying in bed watching WEEDS and drinking weak coffee. I just unwrapped my cell phone charger from around my shoe to plug in my phone. I groaned a lot while bending over to do so. I have 6 half-full water glasses on my bedside table and I think my bra is tangled in my bike helmet.

The one thing I did do today was harvest my green lettuce from the back porch.
There was a lot of it.
I clipped it all in my bathrobe, made a salad, and went back to bed.




BATCHELORETTE TONIGHT! We're roasting chicken, everybody (??) come.

Memorial Night

After nearly 5 months living in California, I finally made my pilgrimage to In and Out Burger. Nine hours into our Memorial Day fun, I put my screaming friends in a cab and trekked (had my ass driven to) Daly City where I consumed an entire 4x4 burger (four patties) with cheese and grilled onions, french fries, and a chocolate milkshake.
I have never felt more alive (or looked scarier.) I even made sure I was facing East towards Mecca while eating.
Gates made me leave before I could make friends with the pack of Asian teenagers seated on our left. He's a bummer, but I like eating burgers with him.

Memorial Day at Doug's...

... Was a lot of fun. We had a potluck. As you can see, I LOVE potlucks.



These are my friends, Taylor and Julie. They will be unemployed soon. I think you should hire them.



Sam brought Cheese and I ate it all.
Mmmm.

Memorial day was the first holiday/secular event/excuse to binge drink I have had off since moving to San Francisco. I decided to celebrate this momentous day in my new life by darting back into the Kenyon womb and surrounding myself with people I am already comfortable making an ass out of myself in front of.